“Whoever does not love, does not know God, for God is love.”

(I John 4:8)

The words “I love you” are spoken so carelessly that the words carry no real power.  There is no celestial or godly attraction.  Because most of the time when we say “I love you”, there is a “But” or an “If” hanging in the balance. For example:

  • I love you, “But” if you gain weight my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you lose your job my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you go bald my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you don’t do as I say and be my slave, my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you disagree with me and don’t back up my lies, my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you don’t get a college degree and become important and make me proud, my love for you will change.
  • I love you, “But” if you get sick and become a burden to me, my love for you will change.
  • I love you preacher “But” if you preach and teach the truth and make me feel uncomfortable, my love for you will change.

I can go on and on.  My point is that the love we profess most of the time is based on conditions, which satisfies our own soul and flesh.  This is the worldly and freshly nature that set conditions on what we call, love.  Once these conditions are violated, love is gone.  This is not the love of God!  Love that is conditional is not love at all, it is a carnal law; and if a person is found guilty of violating the conditions of our love, then they are indicted.  Our conditional love renders a verdict of unworthy of our concept of love in the first degree.  This is not how God loves us.


A.W. Tozer wrote a book named, The Attributes of God.  He listed many of God attributes, his characteristics, qualifications, and God’s personality.  One of God’s attributes is LOVE.  Love is God’s personality and love is his nature.  We can always expect God to be a loving God.  It means that God is the summation, the absolute of all love, he is the fountain which love springs from.  Love comes from God and no other source.  He is the source of love!  He is the treasury of love.  He is the Fort Knox of love.  He is the very root of love.  God is the personification and the very essence of love.

God’s love conditions all of his other attributes, so that God can do nothing except to do everything in love.  His very motive is love.  His attribute of love is inseparable from his nature, his morals, his principles, his standards that governs his actions.  Even in the damning of a man is an expression of the love of God.  Because God loves JUSTICE!  Justice demanded a sacrifice and Jesus was the perfect sacrifice to satisfy Justice!

“God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).

We are unworthy, but love, through his grace saved us.  The love of God assuming the form of mercy.  Even when God chastises us, it’s in love.  Though we might think that he is cruel, he does it out of love for our best interest.

“My child pay attention when the Lord corrects you, and do not be discouraged when he rebukes you.  Because the Lord corrects everyone he loves and punishes everyone he accepts as a child.”  (Hebrews 12:6).


Domestic violence is always in the media; and it is a shameful thing that a person who swears that they love a person, beats the person close to death! Unfortunately, these horrific acts of so called love is getting progressively worst!

The abuser always says, “I love you,” “But” and then he knocks the living daylights out of his wife.  “See what you made me do?” he shouts.  While his helpless victim is laying bloodied from head to toe on the floor or on the ground! The children are screaming for the abuse to stop, only to be abused themselves! Who’s Loving You?

Then there’s the drug addict who always confess “I love you,” just before he needs his next fix! “But”, if you do not get him some money, he will steal everything you own, and he will not concern himself with your well-being.  Because his love is based on what you will do for him and his drug addiction.  Many drug addicts love their wives so much, that they pimp them out for their next fix! But he loves you if he can get that next trip to nowhere! Who’s Loving You?

Let’s not forget the poor man who loses his job, and he is unable to provide for his family.  Of course, this situation is serious! The family must eat, and bills must be paid.  Now where did the love go for the man who has always provided for his family?  He falls on hard times and now his wife has decided he is no longer a man!  She makes his days and nights a living hell.  Instead of praying for her husband; and cutting back on things and doing without for a while, until he can get back on his feet. “But,” instead she yells, “If you don’t take care of me, it’s over!” Who’s Loving You?

We must also visit child abuse in the family structure.  Now we may immediately think of child abuse in a physical nature, which is horrible. There are the unseen abuses.  Child abuse comes in other forms too! For instance, if a child is constantly told by their parents’, that they are worthless, stupid, ugly, fat and they were a mistake; there is a psychological defect in the mental and emotional make-up of the child’s self-worth.  They always feel they must please their parents’ by saying the right things doing the right things, according to their parents’ warped ideology of love. These children, if they survive, and do not cause themselves physical harm, which will lead to their death. They are the “But if’s” of their parents’ twisted love. They are always fearful of rejection and “But if’s” of their parents’ demented philosophy of love.  People with this unseen pain are dysfunctioning in society, with deep emotional wounds that have never been healed. Some of these wounded souls seek help from psychiatrist or God, and others indulge or overdose on drugs/alcohol and others rebel in society and fill the prisons. Who’s loving you?

How terrible it is when ungodly love is rendered.  This kind of love cannot endure the storms of life.  Only the love of God is able give you the strength to stand and weather the storms until your change come.  If you trust in ungodly love, I promise you, you will perish with the one who claims that “I love you”. This kind of love is not the love of God.  This is a weak, demonic love, untrustworthy and unfaithful love. This is the kind of love that lies and uses deception to keep your soul in spiritual bondage.  It is a love that will lead your heart to hate and to distrust the truth and the people who truly love you. When this kind of love is followed and indulge daily, it will turn your heart to darkness and eternal death.  This is not God’s love, it is a deception of love and a poor portrayal of the Spiritual Gift of Love.

“Love suffers long and is kind, love is not envious, love is not puffed up, love do not behave itself unseemly, love is not easily angered, love does not think evil, love does not rejoice in sin, but rejoice in the truth, love bears all things, love believes all things, love endures all things, love never fails.” (I Cor. 13:4-6).

Human love is conditional love and leaves a person injured and hopeless or dead.  Human love leaves a person broken and despondent, depressed and desperate.  This warped love is carnal love without the Holy Spirit; and it leaves a person unable to love others unconditionally. There is no foundation with conditional love, except hate and evil. This kind of love demands that you abandon your godly principles to walk in darkness with sin. It calls your soul to hell if you allow this evil spirit to lead you. Where there is never peace and always chaos, you must consider, Who’s loving you?

If you know that a person loves you in Christ, you are not going to be afraid of them.  But if you are unsure of that person’s love, you are always going to be uptight and nervous. It will lead you to wonder if that person will be the same tomorrow or will they turn on me. God’s love, which is true love, casts out all fear.  When you know you are loved in the Spirit of Christ, you are not troubled.  But that spiritually unstable person, will cause you to pause. Whoever has God’s perfect love, fear is gone out of them.  All real fear goes when you know that God loves you.  Because fear comes when you’re in the hands of someone who does not will your good.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love castest out fear.” (I John 4:18).

When my mother and father has forsaken me, Love will be my stead.  When everyone has left me, and I feel all alone, Love is always there. God is love and he loves me! Who’s Loving You?

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39).

Who is loving you with such a complete and unconditional love?  Calvary is a perfect love.  Jesus, the Christ, stretched out his arms on the cross and died because of his love for His Father.  God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth loves the world because he sent his only begotten Son, that we may not perish, but have everlasting life! Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us in this troubling world and reminds us that Jesus is coming back again! This is perfect love, Jesus crucified, buried and resurrected! Who’s loving you?  I pray that it is THE FATHER AND THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT! Amen.

For the record, this is written to encourage people to seek the perfect love of God, and to know the difference between God’s divine love and worldly carnal love. I pray you have found some healing for your soul. God bless you and amen!

Written by: Rev. Jessica L. Matthews, Missionary Pastor



  1. Who’s loving me God now. I’ve been through many of the coditional loves you speak of and they ended the same way you spoke of. But, I’m here to testify that I now know what real and true love is. People don’t realize that they put conditions on their love but we do. Once I realized that I try on a daily not to. Here’s an example. My husband lost his job. He clinged to his family but, became depressed and angry. I knew there was nothing I could do but give him words of encouragement which angered him more so I said no more to him. Instead I prayed for God to help him. The following week he was blessed not only with a job but a better one. I thanked God for his mercy. I didn’t put a condition on my love but I didn’t realize that my husband did. Once back on his feet the same family that stood by him was no longer a priority because our love was no longer needed but, we were good because we saw God’s work and knew God knew our hearts. Now when things happen to him, I now know if things were reversed I’d hear “but or if” my only response is take it to God his love is unconditional. I’m no longer delusional about human love and I walk this earth knowing I have unconditional love with God.

    Thank you for this. It was right on time.



    1. Praise the Lord for your testimony my sister. I am so very happy that the Lord has given you his Spirit to discern from conditional, carnal love and the TRUE love of the LIVING GOD. God’s love never wavers or fails. The Lord loves us with all of our shortcomings. Just keep listening to the Spirit of God and you will be alright! May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you in perfect peace!


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